Clashing Cultures Results in a Bawling Momma

Our time in the States has been wonderful. I've loved the comforts of this home, especially as this baby takes over more of my body. I'm sure I'd do it, but walking up several flights of stairs on the daily sounds miserable right about now. I huff and puff when I have to walk up 2 floors to do the laundry.

The kids seem like they have adjusted without missing a beat. They've already slept in at least 6 different places, and with a giant road trip coming up, we'll had 4 more to that. Besides the occasional, "I want to go home" comment (which, let's be honest, I have no idea which home they're talking about!), they're real troopers. We're so thankful God has given them the ability to be flexible at such a young age.

While here, we've decided to give the kids as many opportunities as they can. Basically, live it up--American style. We've been to parks, the library, fun and free community events, swimming, birthday parties, play dates, and so much more. I'm pretty sure I'm loving it as much as they are. (Although one of my fears on this list pops in my head often. Will they grumble when we get back to China after being in "fun America" for so long?)

So we decided to enroll them in Awana. A friend explained to the workers there about our situation--that we wouldn't come close to finishing the semester, and funds are limited. So they graciously waived the fees. I was excited to send the boys to yet another weekly group that would teach them about the Good Book.

The drop-off was uneventful. Malachi walked right to the toys, no problem. Josiah joined a sea of kids of all ages, reciting several different pledges. I was happy to look around at the other kindergarteners and realize they, too were lost. Whew. First obstacle semi-avoided.

Then they broke up into their classes. Well, this was the 2nd week, so Josiah was already a little behind. As they broke off, he stood in the middle of the gym, alone. I about lost it then! Thankfully, one of his teachers came to the rescue and showed him where to stand. Mr. Obedient did, but he still looked pretty unsure of what was going on. A Chinese mom I had met assured me everything would be fine.

When did I become that momma? Oh yeah, this was our first experience of anything close to a school atmosphere. Normal, right?

I enjoyed the kid-free hour. It had been a particularly rough day with major kid attitudes and a momma that was tired, probably hormonal, and just plain sick of saying the same 5 phrases over and over. I had already cried 3 times up to that point out of frustration with them. I don't cry super often, so I blame the hormones for that day. But what happened next really caught me off guard.

I went to pick up Josiah first, ya know, the easier one. Ha. As soon as he walked out of the room, he started crying. Hard. I had no idea what had happened, but like any parent, tons of ideas ran through my head. Did another kid hurt him? Who was mean to him? Did he not know any of the right answers? I couldn't get him to say what was wrong, just that the other kids got something special.

So, like any momma bear, I marched over to the teachers. As soon as the words started coming out of my mouth, the tears started stinging. NO! I tried to ask them what happened, why they thought he might be upset. They had no idea.

By then, I was bawling. And I didn't even know why exactly. But it was one of those uncontrollable ones. I. felt. so. stupid. 

In between blubbers, I apologized. This isn't my normal self....this baby.....he's new at this....shucks, I'm new at this!...what's wrong with me?!

Thankfully they were gracious, kind people. One lady just hugged me. But then a crowd of at least 5 adults (I couldn't see through all the tears) surrounded me, looking at me, wondering what is wrong with this woman?!

I finally gained a little control and left. After some reflection, I think I know what happened. Yes, I was already emotional for the day, but there were so many other, deeper thoughts happening simultaneously.

The first thought: Josiah is a foreigner in China and he's a foreigner in America. Our whole family is, but it hit him (and me, obviously) hard on this day. He doesn't fit in.  And that broke my heart to pieces.

Secondly: He didn't have all the Awana "gear" (vest, book, bag, etc.), plus he was a week behind, so he was completely lost. This one is our fault. We didn't get him all the gear, knowing we won't be here long. But the lack of things that every other kid had made him an outsider.

I already knew all of this. Our kids especially will be outsiders a lot of their lives if we stay overseas for most of their childhood. But this was the first time I ran into the fact of it all head-on.

I'm not sure we'll take him back. The teachers were wonderful and assured me he was just fine during class, participating and doing well. But the way it's set up, if he misses several weeks during travel, then doesn't even get to finish, is it worth it? We're still undecided.

I'm sure many more of these situations will come up. And they might be even harder when he starts to realize himself that he doesn't fit anywhere. By that time, I hope I have enough wisdom and grace to share with him that we were created to feel unsettled on this earth. The Father has a wonderful spot for him Upstairs where he will fit in perfectly. By then, I'm sure he'll be the one to remind me  of that fact.

First Month in the States: Check

Helloooo! Long time..again. Seems to be a trend. And with Baby #3 coming along, I can't imagine I'll get any better.

Hold on, have I even announced Baby #3 on here?! Well, there ya go. Pregnant again! Not necessarily in our plans, but we're calling it a surprise blessing instead of an accident. <--- accidents="" babies="" comes="" hate="" having="" it="" not="" p="" re="" that="" they="" to="" when="" word="">
And, we just found out a few week ago that it's a GIRL!!! We're beyond excited! Perhaps I'm a teensy bit more excited than Michael. Whatever. I still can't wait to see how he reacts/melts a little with his baby girl. :)

We've already been "home" (such a complicated word now) for over a month now. It's hard to believe that if we weren't on furlough, we'd be packing up, ready to head back in a few short weeks. What a relief to be able to stay here for a while longer to catch up with people!

The boys are having a blast. Josiah said just yesterday, "We go a lot of places in America." Yes, yes we do. I hope he doesn't get to used to it! That could be a rough transition back to Chiner!

Speaking of yet another transition--we're officially starting homeschool soon. It hit me last week that I should be starting soon, but we'll be travelling until the end of August, so we'll start after that. Awesome perk of homeschool! ha! I spent a while looking at different curriculums and have decided that instead of buying a bunch of books to lug over (and fit into precious luggage space), we'll start with an online school and build from there. Bonus: it's free! We'll see how it goes. Thankfully, success with kindergarten doesn't seem to make or break a child. Whew.

I have a blog I want to write that has been looming over my head, but I've been waiting a bit longer to see if anything else comes up. Remember that one I wrote about things I was afraid of coming back to in America? I want to update how those fears were handled, and then write some awesome things about America. Because it is that, too.

Until then, enjoy a few of my favorite pics from our time here:

Many, many hours are spent on this trike flying down the driveway!

Upon figuring out what this machine was, I had to sit back down before I had the confidence to go back up and choose something. Reverse culture shock in full-swing.

Local fair with Grammy and a funnel cake. Yum!

Time with Uncle Eric has been a blast!

Josiah's 5th

It was a few weeks ago, but Josiah turned 5! Can't believe he's already been in our lives 5 whole years. Time truly does fly. Here are some memories from his actual birthday and a party we had a few days later.

Blurry, but I made blueberry buckle, his fave breakfast.

This gift is special. A few years ago, he inherited this car, then during one of our many travels, lost it. After 2 years of asking where it was, he finally got a replacement!! (Not taking it on any future travels!)

Stoked about his party!

Good friend, Lili.

These boys dominated the ping pong throwing game!

Sweet boy. Sad that the sign looks like "Josiak."

Import food is important to any TCK! He ended up with THREE jars of olives. :)

Amazing kite! Looks good in the sky, too!

Good friend, EnTong who wasn't interested in a pic.

Haha...nothin' like a Chinafied hat. He can pull it off, right?

We're so thankful for the community around us that joins us every year to celebrate the boys' birthdays! They definitely feel special on that day! 

Going Home: What I'm Afraid Of

We leave for America in 3 weeks. I'm excited! It's been 2 years, and although they've gone fast, it's nice to think we get to go home for an extended time. Home brings lots of comforts: family, friends, food, English, driving, cleanliness, etc. There's nothing like going back to where you grew up, right?

But I'm also starting to process all the things that have changed about my family and myself. If all that processing is even possible.

My boys don't even know where "home" is, except where Mommy and Daddy are. In one sense, that makes me sad because I think of America as their home. But really, Josiah has spent a whopping 1.5 years there, and Malachi has spent 4 months of his life there. However, I'm glad that they don't have one place to call home, because hopefully, as they grow older, they'll learn that this earth is not their home.

It's no secret that our first 2 years here were on the rough side (putting it lightly). However, the past 2 years, my world has changed. What has changed that? Also no secret: learning Chinese. I now feel like we can be here a while without me going insane. But besides the language, I've started to adapt to some of the Chinese traditions. I don't even think I know what all of them are until someone points them out, but I know they're there.

As I think of some of these things, and have conversations with friends and family about coming home, there are some legitimate (and some funny) fears arising. Here are some:

- I'm scared of large pieces of meat on my plate. No, I'm not becoming a vegetarian. But, my parents just told me what they ate at Applebee's (steak/potato, chicken dish) and a thought popped in my head: when was the last time I cooked or was served an entire chicken breast (beef is outta the question here)?! No answer. Chinese dishes are served with small pieces of meat and lots of veggies. I tend to cook one-pot meals due to my kitchen limitations. My kids will definitely freak if they see a huge piece of meat on their plate. So if you serve me a hunk o' meat, don't be offended if I stare at it for a while, wondering how to tackle the thing.

- I'm scared of all the bad things that can happen. This is a big one I've been dwelling on for a while. And, as a result, have had to give it up to the Father many times. I know it's not true, but it seems like there are more bad people, more bad things happening in America than here. I have never felt unsafe here. If I'm walking home alone at night (a short distance), I'm not afraid. If I'm out with the kids and they run around the corner where I can't see them, I'm not afraid. If while out in public, someone comes up to one of the kids and grabs their hand to walk with them, I'm not afraid. In general, people here (especially older people) look out for others' kids. However, in America, I'm going to have to put on my Eagle Eye Glasses. At all times. So, if I seem a bit over-protective, be patient. I'm just trying to find the balance between two worlds.

- I'm scared I won't fit in.  Have I changed that much in 2 years? I don't know. I do know my clothes are way out-of-date, but no use in keeping up with the trend (especially if the trends are hideous or provocative) if we're just coming back here in a matter of months. Have my world views and opinions changed a ton since living in a drastically different culture? Perhaps So, if I say something odd, inquire about it. There's probably something behind it.

- I'm scared of the grocery store. I am every time we come home. The store I shop at weekly is about 1/10th the size of your local grocery store. Not as many options. Get in, get out (unless there's a sale, then have fun waiting in line with 100 of your closes local friends). I buy my produce from a cart and none of it looks plastic. I mean, the cereal aisle alone is mind-boggling! Here, we have to order cereal off the internet, or we don't get it. So, if you see me in the store looking like a lost pup, reassure me to take it one aisle at a time.

- I'm scared my kids won't recognize family and friends. They won't. It's a fact. Especially if we haven't kept in close contact with you. My boys know lots of people here because they see them on a regular basis. When they start to see you on a regular basis, they'll know you too. So, if they seem shy or stand-offish, be patient and give them some space. They'll come around with time.

- I'm scared I'll gain tons of weight. For real. I wouldn't say I eat super healthy here, but I do eat tons of veggies (especially at a Chinese meal), get daily exercise (forced to walk or bike most places, but exercise none the less), and don't have as much access to bad-for-you foods unless I want to spend a small fortune. All of these things are turned upside down in America. I know it's my choice, but the temptations will be sky-high. I love to use the excuse, "But I haven't eaten this in 2 years! Better get some!" Yeah, not helpful. My goal: find a way to at least walk every day. Michael even said during the winter, do laps in the house. :) So, if you see me going for yet another junk food, gently remind me to take a few extra laps. :)

- I'm scared my kids will end up liking America more than China. I've seen it happen with so many other ex-pat kids. They can't wait to get home to America because China is this, this and this. And so not as cool. I want my boys to know that both places are our temporary homes. Both have their perks. Both have their tough parts. I just hope they don't see America as "all fun, all the time." I know we'll pack lots of fun stuff into a short amount of time, so it's very possible. So, if you're with my boys doing something awesomely fun, please enjoy yourself! But please also refrain from comparing it to less-exciting-in-that-way China.

- I'm scared I'll make lots of awkward cultural blunders. Like standing too close to the person next in line. Or pack my own groceries. Or drink hot water. Or take fruit over to our dinner hosts when they expected wine or a dessert (fruit isn't dessert??). Or take my shoes off at the door when no one else does. And so on. All of the above are oh so normal to us now. Will I remember to make the mental switch? So, if I commit one of these blunders, or you see me do something really weird, either laugh and ignore it, or inquire if that is something I've adapted to here...and give me lots of grace. (By the way, I'm sure my kids will make lots of cultural mistakes too. Be kind. I'm currently trying to teach Malachi it's not polite to hock a loogie to clear your throat like the local grannies do.)

I'm sure there are more, but these are what come to mind now. We so look forward to all the great things about America! But there are also some genuine fears that are helpful to know about so you don't think we're acting like aliens in our homeland. We're just as confused, too.

Reflecting

We still have a few months left here in language school, but I thought I'd better get this written now, before the real craziness sets in. (More crazy than now sounds frightening.)

Recently a colleague in our org came to visit us. She visits us once a semester to check on us...how we're doing emotionally, physically, spiritually..everything. Because our great leaders know that living overseas tends to suck the life out of us, sometimes without us even knowing it.

When answering her reflective questions, it really hit me how the Father has used these past two years. Did I ever imagine I'd study Chinese in my life? Absolutely not. Once in class, did I think I was gonna come out alive and actually able to hold conversations? Not really. (Not a lack of trust in our fearless leaders...more of a confidence issue with myself.)

But I did. And I have. And He gets all the praise!

Sometimes I still get ignored by locals, assuming I can't speak Chinese, but most of the time, they give big (often too big) compliments. I mean, back in the day when I could say "hello" or "I want this," they'd freak out and start jabbering something, then try to begin a lengthy conversation. Now, I understand what they're saying. "Wow, you're Chinese is wonderful! You speak so well!" And then the million questions begin. I know I don't speak as well as they say, but I'm pretty darn thankful I remembered enough to get me by.

Being a mom and studying wasn't the easiest. For the first month of studies, I woke up my not-yet-one-year-old to nurse him before hustling to school. Then I'd rush home during my lunch hour to nurse again. Then rush back to school for tutor time. Then rush back home so Michael could go to tutoring. And then put on my "mom" hat again. Kids, dinner, house. It was a lot. But I have a great hubby that filled in the gaps to make it work! And his push for me to study, I now see, is one precious gift.

I think I'm now a self-proclaimed advocate for other mommas to study. If a family moves here and believes they'll be here long-term, they will find themselves at language school. Often times, just the husband studies. My question now is, why not the moms, too? I know it's hard. I trudged through all the challenges. But the sacrifices made for that one year were well worth the sanity and new love I have for living here.

Our first 2 years here, I didn't like life here much. They were rough, to say the least. I believe learning the language that is blasted in my face on a daily basis turned around my perspective. Not only can I understand some things being said to me, I can respond. And, there are so many cultural things I've learned just by listening...now that I can listen.

One more thought. Being here, in this extra-large community of 30+ people (usually we're on a team of 10ish) has shown me that I don't have to be "just" a stay at home mom. I think I've been wired to be around people, to serve, and to connect with others. I see that now more than ever and wherever we end up next, I'll be more aware to look for those opportunities instead of wallowing over the duties of laundry, diapers, and home school.

The language school has been nick-names "The Crucible." It was definitely crushing at times, but the end result is always worth it.

Recent Quotes and Other Craziness

While eating dinner tonight, Malachi asked for some dip for his fries. Josiah responded with, "dip, baby, dip!" with perfect inflection from that one certain song from my high school days. As long as he doesn't know where it came from, it's innocent, right?! 

While eating dinner another night, Josiah looks over at Michael and asks, "Daddy, is your skin brown because you eat too many Crunchy Balls?" {"Crunchy Balls" are what we call the Chinese equivalent of Cocoa Puffs.} Of course, we all died laughing, but then Michael replies with, "And did you eat too many Cheerios?" 

On a recent Mommy-Josiah date (along with 10 other people), we walked into a 四川 (part of China known for spicy food) restaurant. Josiah started coughing, then said, "Mom, I'm coughing because I can smell the spicy." And so we ate a little spicy, then got ice cream to balance it out. 

Malachi potty trained himself. I'm not really kidding. He had 2 other men-folk to watch (TMI?), so maybe that was it. He was very ready before we went to Thailand, but I wasn't about to deal with all those potty crises there!! So, the week after we got back, I took off the diapers (except nap and nighttime..still waiting for that to "click.") He had maybe 3 or 4 accidents the next few days, and now he's great! I don't even have to remind him. He can hold it for a few hours at a time, then yells, "Mommy, Mommy, I gotta go potty!" and takes off running to the bathroom. #2 took a few days, but after telling him how nasty it was to poop on whichever character was on his underwear, he figured it out. Am I writing all this to brag? Absolutely not. I seriously had very little to do with this. So, I can do nothing else but give God the credit. He cares about the littlest of people and the littlest of bladders, too.

Lately, the boys have their non-stop antics. Malachi winks constantly. Although, maybe it's not considered a wink if his right eye is always closed. He thinks he's a pirate. Josiah has been tilting his head back and laughing hysterically. But when he does this, maybe his throat closes a little or something, and it comes out sounding like a wheezy old man. He knows it makes us laugh, so he continues.

Our ayi (helper) comes once a week and loves hanging out with the kids. This week, Josiah showed her a book that had tons of animals listed in Chinese. She sat with him and they repeated the words back and forth for 30 minutes. He was soaking it up, then said, "Mom, I want to learn more and more Chinese!" May the Father bless him with a gift of this language!!

And finally, Spring is coming! Maybe I should put "Spring" in quotation marks because it sure isn't the Spring this mid-western girl is used to, but after 5 months of temps below freezing, rounding the 40* mark feels wonderful! We can only hope that they keep climbing and don't slip back, especially since they're going to turn off the heat in a few weeks!

Thailand, etc.

Has it really been over 2 months since my last post? Woops. I blame it on prepping for Thailand, being in Thailand with little internet access for a month, and recovering from Thailand.

So I guess I'll write about Thailand.

We met my parents and aunt in Bangkok. The week spent there was mostly uneventful, just some shopping and walking around, trying to get the three of them over severe jet lag. The protests were in full-swing, but were peaceful while we were there. The protestors blocked off several major intersections, so we spent many hours in taxis, stuck in traffic, but I'll take that over a molotov cocktail being thrown around.

One of the many times we were stuck in traffic. 

 After a week there, we headed south a few hours to the beach. We were excited to stay at a resort that specifically caters to overseas workers, and it was perfect for families! Kid-friendly play rooms, games, pools, 3 meals/day, etc. And the beach was right across the street! The day we arrived was chilly and windy, but we still got in plenty of sand castles and digging for treasures. The boys had a blast! We were thankful to have a relaxing time, since we hadn't been on vacation in over 2 years.

However, one memorable note about being there: mosquitoes. It was so hard to keep them away! They eat the boys alive every time. The first night in our bungalow (6/7 of us slept there), a mosquito must've been trapped in the boys' room because Josiah woke up with about 15 bites on his face alone. Poor kid. Thankfully, he's old enough to know not to scratch them--or try not to.

With Grammy and all his bites.

Our third leg of the trip was to the city where are conference is held every year, Chiang Mai. My parents and aunt were with us a week before conference, so we gallivanted around the city doing all the tourist-y things. CM is always great because of how they cater to foreigners, especially in the food department. We have grown to love Thai food more and more, but to be in a place (in Asia!) that has SO many choices for Western food...we just couldn't turn it down!

Dad and I took a Thai cooking class. We learned so much! Neither of us have tackled a Thai dish at home yet, but they're easy enough I think it's possible. If we can only find a few of the specialized ingredients where we live...kaffir lime leaves, anyone?

After 3 weeks of fun in Thailand, my family had to go back home. We're so thankful they got to visit and of course, love on the kids! Now they've been to China and Thailand..where to next?

The 4th week for us in Thailand was spent at our org's conference. We look forward to this time every year! There's nothing like being surrounded by people who have endured the same struggles you have, day in and day out. There were many hours spent talking about these struggles and encouraging each other to keep plugging along. Another favorite part for me is the corporate singing. Since we don't get to do that in English very often, it gets me every time. And I love it.

A sweet reunion with our teammates from our first year. We hadn't seen them in 2.5 years, and these two caught up like they'd never missed a beat!

Also every year at conference, there's usually some bug going around. I guess it's to be expected when you bring 600+ people together, coming from North America and several parts of Asia. This year, it was bad. It started to hit about mid-week of conference. Then, people went down like flies. And it was the stomach bug. No fun. I was hopeful we wouldn't get it, but in the end, every one of us did! I went first, but mine was the most mild out of everyone. (Although, my appetite came back last--almost a week later! Nice way to trim down!!) Then Malachi, then Josiah, then Michael. Well, I hope we're all immune to that strain now! I feel sorry for the ladies who cleaned all those rooms who had sick people. Yikes. Sadly, it hit a lot of other people as they were traveling home. I think a lot of airline sick bags were used that day!

Since we've been back (about 3 weeks..really, already?), we've been getting into a routine again. Vacation and time away is always nice, but it's just as nice to get back home and settle in again.

Now, we're just waiting for the temps to stay above freezing so the kids can play outside. Come on, Spring!!!