So, to be honest, I've kind of been struggling with this whole One Word thing. I have a tendency to be flaky with things like this. When first seeing the challenge to choose a word, I immediately thought, "Not for me...my word would be a goner within the first few months, if not sooner." It seems as though lots of my friends are picking great words, have spent time thinking and petitioning over what their word should be, and have great reasons and stories for why they think this word was impressed on them.
Me? I may just be grabbing something from left field. Thankfully, we serve a Father who also covers left-fielders like me.
When half-thinking what my word should be, I thought back over the year. That in itself was hard since I was a full-time student for 6 months of it, stayed overseas for the summer, and transitioned back into a stay-at-home-mom for the last 5 months. To me, that seems like 3 separate years.
However, a word popped in my head that could only come from Dad since I've barely spent any time pondering it. It comes from a lesson that is still painful to think about. Perhaps the hardest lesson I have had...am still having to learn. Making it even harder, it was my precious husband who confronted me and presented the issue...again. Sadly, this was the zillionth time he or someone else has brought this up in my life, in one way or another. Hopefully it will sink in this time.
So the issue? Time to be real...severe discontentment. Always wanting things my way. From my kids not doing things the way I wanted them to (do they make some of those messes on purpose?!), to not having the most comfortable home, to not having the perfect social life, to not being supermom like every other mom (or so I thought), to having expectation after expectation fail, and on and on and on.
It was a slap in the face. This dissatisfaction in nearly every facet of my life was digging a deep, deep hole in my heart. And I wasn't even seeing it. And it was leading to anger. And a bigger cycle of frustration and discontentment. Nothing was ever enough.
Since that crushing blow, the last several months have been an improvement. But nothing to where I'd like to be. Not even close.
So, my word for 2014:
con·tent
2 [kuh
n-tent]
adjective
Ok, I've got to add this piece of randomness because it's too funny not to. As I'm typing this, my hubby is watching one of the Star Wars movies. No idea which one because I adamantly dislike them even though I've never seen more than 5 minutes of them. (Start judging, it's fine. I get hate words all the time for disliking such "classics.") Anyway, while writing this, I paused at a few different places to think and someone in the movie literally gave me the word I needed. Weird or what? No, I'm still not gonna watch them. The end.
1. satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
2. British . agreeing; assenting.
Thanks, Dictionary.com.
All 3 definitions above pierce something inside me. But willing hits something even deeper. Not only am I commanded to be content, He wants me to be willingly content. Not plastering a smile on my face through the annoying and frustrating situations that arrive daily in this opposite-of-me land, but looking up, knowing that the Father is on control, and letting go of my plans. Being readily content with His plans, even when they're completely opposite of my own. They are the best, after all, right? Yeah, that doesn't always sink down as far as it needs to.
He wants me to let go of expectations. Oh boy, that's a biggie for me. I've always been one to expect a lot from myself (and hard on myself when I fail), and that often leaks into my relationships with others. And when others fail me, I subconsciously (or not so) give them a black check mark. Really? Is that was Jesus does with me? Shoot, if so, I should just tattoo a giant black check mark on my face.
The word picture above represents the chaos that seems to be constantly surrounding me and the contentment I need to strive for. I have oh so many opportunities every single day to choose contentment over all the other unhelpful emotions. May this year be the year of giant leaps of improvement in this area!
Linking up with Velvet Ashes!
Ok, I've got to add this piece of randomness because it's too funny not to. As I'm typing this, my hubby is watching one of the Star Wars movies. No idea which one because I adamantly dislike them even though I've never seen more than 5 minutes of them. (Start judging, it's fine. I get hate words all the time for disliking such "classics.") Anyway, while writing this, I paused at a few different places to think and someone in the movie literally gave me the word I needed. Weird or what? No, I'm still not gonna watch them. The end.
