Clashing Cultures Results in a Bawling Momma

Our time in the States has been wonderful. I've loved the comforts of this home, especially as this baby takes over more of my body. I'm sure I'd do it, but walking up several flights of stairs on the daily sounds miserable right about now. I huff and puff when I have to walk up 2 floors to do the laundry.

The kids seem like they have adjusted without missing a beat. They've already slept in at least 6 different places, and with a giant road trip coming up, we'll had 4 more to that. Besides the occasional, "I want to go home" comment (which, let's be honest, I have no idea which home they're talking about!), they're real troopers. We're so thankful God has given them the ability to be flexible at such a young age.

While here, we've decided to give the kids as many opportunities as they can. Basically, live it up--American style. We've been to parks, the library, fun and free community events, swimming, birthday parties, play dates, and so much more. I'm pretty sure I'm loving it as much as they are. (Although one of my fears on this list pops in my head often. Will they grumble when we get back to China after being in "fun America" for so long?)

So we decided to enroll them in Awana. A friend explained to the workers there about our situation--that we wouldn't come close to finishing the semester, and funds are limited. So they graciously waived the fees. I was excited to send the boys to yet another weekly group that would teach them about the Good Book.

The drop-off was uneventful. Malachi walked right to the toys, no problem. Josiah joined a sea of kids of all ages, reciting several different pledges. I was happy to look around at the other kindergarteners and realize they, too were lost. Whew. First obstacle semi-avoided.

Then they broke up into their classes. Well, this was the 2nd week, so Josiah was already a little behind. As they broke off, he stood in the middle of the gym, alone. I about lost it then! Thankfully, one of his teachers came to the rescue and showed him where to stand. Mr. Obedient did, but he still looked pretty unsure of what was going on. A Chinese mom I had met assured me everything would be fine.

When did I become that momma? Oh yeah, this was our first experience of anything close to a school atmosphere. Normal, right?

I enjoyed the kid-free hour. It had been a particularly rough day with major kid attitudes and a momma that was tired, probably hormonal, and just plain sick of saying the same 5 phrases over and over. I had already cried 3 times up to that point out of frustration with them. I don't cry super often, so I blame the hormones for that day. But what happened next really caught me off guard.

I went to pick up Josiah first, ya know, the easier one. Ha. As soon as he walked out of the room, he started crying. Hard. I had no idea what had happened, but like any parent, tons of ideas ran through my head. Did another kid hurt him? Who was mean to him? Did he not know any of the right answers? I couldn't get him to say what was wrong, just that the other kids got something special.

So, like any momma bear, I marched over to the teachers. As soon as the words started coming out of my mouth, the tears started stinging. NO! I tried to ask them what happened, why they thought he might be upset. They had no idea.

By then, I was bawling. And I didn't even know why exactly. But it was one of those uncontrollable ones. I. felt. so. stupid. 

In between blubbers, I apologized. This isn't my normal self....this baby.....he's new at this....shucks, I'm new at this!...what's wrong with me?!

Thankfully they were gracious, kind people. One lady just hugged me. But then a crowd of at least 5 adults (I couldn't see through all the tears) surrounded me, looking at me, wondering what is wrong with this woman?!

I finally gained a little control and left. After some reflection, I think I know what happened. Yes, I was already emotional for the day, but there were so many other, deeper thoughts happening simultaneously.

The first thought: Josiah is a foreigner in China and he's a foreigner in America. Our whole family is, but it hit him (and me, obviously) hard on this day. He doesn't fit in.  And that broke my heart to pieces.

Secondly: He didn't have all the Awana "gear" (vest, book, bag, etc.), plus he was a week behind, so he was completely lost. This one is our fault. We didn't get him all the gear, knowing we won't be here long. But the lack of things that every other kid had made him an outsider.

I already knew all of this. Our kids especially will be outsiders a lot of their lives if we stay overseas for most of their childhood. But this was the first time I ran into the fact of it all head-on.

I'm not sure we'll take him back. The teachers were wonderful and assured me he was just fine during class, participating and doing well. But the way it's set up, if he misses several weeks during travel, then doesn't even get to finish, is it worth it? We're still undecided.

I'm sure many more of these situations will come up. And they might be even harder when he starts to realize himself that he doesn't fit anywhere. By that time, I hope I have enough wisdom and grace to share with him that we were created to feel unsettled on this earth. The Father has a wonderful spot for him Upstairs where he will fit in perfectly. By then, I'm sure he'll be the one to remind me  of that fact.